Its November 2012 and I’ve started eating again. For over four years I’ve managed my eating disorder really well, but over the past several months, overeating and snacking has started to creep back into my life. I’ve had an extremely challenging year, and lacking outside support, I’ve begun to fall back on this old coping mechanism.
Recognition of the return of my ‘demon’ hit me hard this week and I didn’t write any of my book. I have some leeway as I’m a chapter ahead of my schedule – still, I’ve been feeling the early signs of depression which often sends me into hiding, and that always concerns me. To combat it, I’ve been keeping connected to people via Facebook, Twitter and Skype, reading inspirational work – including the CUSB statements! – and focusing on all the wonderful aspects of my life to try and stay in a postive and appreciative frame of mind. As a result, I’m feeling a lot better today.
My instincts tell me that my eating would be completely out-of-control right now if I wasn’t writing the book. In offering my thoughts on the CUSB statements and sharing my personal life challenges and how I’ve survived them, I am, at the same time, reminding myself of all the tools I’ve used in the past that have helped me. So, although I’m forcing myself to revisit some really difficult periods of my life in order to share my triumphs over them, writing the CUSB book is helping more than I realised it would. Perhaps I should have known that would happen. The Universe is nothing if not precise in its methods of offering us ways in which to grow and learn!
In examining the CUSB so closely and frequently, I’m finding it’s becoming an established and ingrained part of my daily life. I guess its a natural process. When we live with something constantly, it must at some point become a part of who we are.
I was going to write about CUSB #14 this week:
At all times, remember to love and respect your Self.
Enjoy your Self and be excited about the life you’ve been given.
No wonder I couldn’t get started. In overeating, I’m certainly neither loving nor respecting myself! For the past several years I relied on the love and support of a very dear friend and soul mate to help get me through such challenging times without overeating. But I lost my friend earlier this year, and with no knowledge of how to emotionally support myself, I have returned to my old means of coping. Now I must make a choice. I can continue on the path I’m on (overeating and binging) which will lead me to certain early death, or I must find new ways to deal with life’s difficulties. I realised this week that I need to adopt new coping mechanisms.
I know I have the knowledge to do this. I’ve been reading (and writing and teaching) inspirational, motivational, affirmative and life-changing work for years. Now its time to not only share it with you, my reader, but willingly, consciously and conscientiously LIVE it for myself!
I’m going to pull out all stops! Its time to start implementing all the beautiful and loving advice of Louise L. Hay and Cheryl Richardson and my other favourite teachers, and find a way to learn how to REALLY LOVE MYSELF and treat myself with the respect and the dignity that I deserve. I will find a way to cope with life’s challenges in a healthy and positive way.
And, I’m going to write that chapter on CUSB statement #14 next week! 🙂
I’d really love to know your thoughts on self love too. Whether you suffer with an addiction and/or depression or not, what are some of the things you do to take care of yourself emotionally? I’m looking forward to being inspired by your ideas!